Friday, April 24, 2009

Life is Good

I have been having a beautiful string of good days. The busy-ness and the tiredness and the to-do lists just haven't been bothering me much of late. I wish I could blame it on an attitude adjustment, but no. I'm not that talented. :P Today theory got out early and my best guy friend Vassili and I adjourned to our "office" (which is really just a classroom in the music building...but we spend so much time there, we call it that). We got on the computer, lowered the projector, pulled the curtains shut and watched a movie in our own personal theater. It was awesome, and believe it or not, today was actually a very productive school day. :)
Tonight Emmy, Marlee, Glen and I went for sushi at Kobe...which was awesome. Lots of deliciousness...lots of bad jokes. That's my kind of night!
The boyfriend (Paul) is out with the guys to a movie, which is great. He needs to be able to get out more. It seems like I'm always the one going for a girls' night, leaving him with his computer on a friday or saturday he deserves a night with his boys. :)
Anyhoo...things are splendid. I will say that now before something bad happens. :P teehee! just kidding!...a little. ;)

Sunday, April 19, 2009


I'm eating a miniature wheel of nameless cheese. It's delicious, I must say. That doesn't have to do with anything...but that's okay.
Today was Stake Conference. It was pretty awesome. I sang in the choir which was fun. It hadn't really been that much fun, but a friend of mine joined the ranks of the choir at the last minute and our rehearsal before was pretty hilarious as a result. We pulled out all the stops on our musical numbers, and I think everyone liked it, so I was pleased.
I loved Hermana Vargas' talk. She spoke in Spanish and was translated by one of her daughters. I was really surprised to hear a very personal story from her and was touched both by the story and by her courage in sharing it.
I listened to almost all the conference in Spanish being translated. My Dad helps translation with our High Council rep and Primary president. The dream team, I call them. :)
I like to hear these things in Spanish just 'cause I like Spanish...but I also like to listen to the translation because some day I hope to translate as well as the dream team. It's interesting to hear the English in one ear and Spanish in the other and wonder what word or phrase or conjugation whoever's translating will use in a split second. Sometimes I'll translate along in my head to see if I can do it. No, I can't always. It's hard, but I'm trying to get better. It's a goal to work toward. :) Hopefully someday soon I can actually make myself useful in that way...but I know I've got a long way to go. And perhaps that long way will have to lead me down south ...which I would love...if I could afford it I would be on my way to Argentina right now...
Well, for better or worse, I'd probably get married and then go. Maybe visit Brazil while I'm at it. Dang, I need to work on my Portuguese...or the lack thereof. I can understand lots...and say nothing but yes, no, thanks, exhausted, and I love you. Quite a collection. know...just all the really important things. :P or not.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Women's Conference, Stake Conference, Agony, etc.

Today I went to a Relief Society Women's Conference in my sister's stake. It was really good I went to three classes: Overcoming self criticism, Life is Good, and Organization 101. I have a lot of work to do on all three topics. I loved the teacher of Life is Good (Stacey Farr) especially. She had such good energy and was a genius pedagogically. She actually had two heart attacks recently but she's up and kickin' like none other. She used to teach seminary so when she told me thank you for coming after the class, I told her that I wished she were my seminary teacher when I was in seminary.
Really...that would have been awesome...'cause I didn't learn squat in seminary junior and senior years....or sophomore, come to think of it...because my class kept scaring away all the new teachers. :/
Anyway....after the classes there was a luncheon and chocolate cake. :)
Then I went over to my sister's to visit and play with baby Jeffrey. He's the best. That's all there is to it.
Then came some errand running: Joann's; Bed, Bath & Beyond; Costco; etc.
When I got home I set out to write a talk (which I'm still not done with) knowing that I could be called on to speak in a matter of a few hours. Luckily, when I attended our adult session this evening, I wasn't one of those chosen to let's see if the luck continues to tomorrow...and let's see if I can even finish my talk. :/ I absolutely loved Hermano Gilgen's testimony. I was listening to the translation in Spanish. It was fantastic because I could hear both languages and when the spirit was strong enough I could feel a tangible connection formed by the spirit between Joseph and Bishop Farnsworth who was translating.
The rest of the meeting was kind of weird...weirdest meeting I've ever been to...wait....another awesome part was when my Dad got to share an experience...and unlike most of the people who felt the need to say something, his comment was relevant, to the point, and insightful...He's awesome.
soo....anyhoo.......After the session I had an exceedingly awkward encounter with my old friend and ex-boyfriend....which I found terribly unsettling. Those things are always awkward. But this was the epitome of awkward....but then, I'm not really myself right now, so I can't be sure what was me being weird and what was just plain predictable avoidance. was over before it even use trying to figure it out now.
I should probably get back to my talk...or maybe I'll get up and do it early. Sometimes a deadline is good for me. So in the background I'm listening to "Agony" from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. It's hilarious. Partake if you will. Gotta love a fractured fairy-tale! So...Cinderella's Prince and Rapunzel's Prince pine something fierce for their respective love interests...

...and then they get what they want. :p

Thursday, April 16, 2009

His Grace: The Duke of Kittykins

So...I don't know who knows this and doesn't...or cares...but my family's cat Ephraim went missing last month...He's 6 years old..and we've had he and his sister Elora since they were brand new kittens. Their adopted brother Manasseh came along a while back and he (apart from the myself and the other humans of my household) is probably taking it the worst. Ever since we took him in as a kitten he's looked up to Ephraim as the coolest thing that ever happened....and I mean EVER!
Needless to say...we're all pretty heartbroken. We wandered up every street in our neighborhood and beyond shaking the ever-coveted fishy and chicken treats and called his name (and every nick-name he has) at the top of our lungs. We called and sent out e-mails to animal shelters.... We put up signs. We got many phone calls from nice people who thought they saw him...and we dashed off to see....but it wasn't him. I don't want to say that we've given up hope, but chances have grown very slim...They were slim to none after a week. And now......
I don't want to be too sad, but the last sign of defeat made itself manifest today.
Our signs that were prominently displayed only a few weeks ago, have been taken down and replaced with someone else's loss. And it makes me sad. It makes me miss him.
I feel I shouldn't get worked up over a cat...but I do.
I should be upset about something bigger...someone bigger...but that silly 15lb blob of black and tan (or the lack thereof) is making me sad. :(

Neurotic much

I don't really think anyone reads these...but that's okay. I write them anyway. So...right now I'm having an interesting day..week..month...semester...year. life. This cocktail of emotion is making me crazy...or maybe the fact that I'm crazy is the only problem.
A phrase of music can hit me hard enough to make me cry, but I don't think I'm sad. not really. I'm lonely. I'm fully aware that my life as I know it hangs in the balance. Things I thought were "my calling" and the only thing I was good at...I'm not feeling so good at. I'm losing my drive very early in the game. I'm self-defeating. I know it. And can't always fix it. I'm not driving the bus.
...Let me qualify that statement...
By not driving the bus, I mean that I feel like a simple passenger in my life. I can see the bus (and me on it) daring the precipice of a cliff...yet I am powerless against its (and my) fate.
Now don't go thinking I'm terribly melodramatic....because I'm definitely not a fan of that. Knowing is half the battle,though, right? ...and I know what my mind is up to...even if I can't necessarily stop it without an assist. Lame indeed!
I may feel like crying...but I'm not sad. Just like Everclear says: "You are neurotic and depressed, that doesn't mean that you're sad."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It never gets dull...

Ben Lee is keeping me company right now...or at least his music is. He's an Australian singer/songwriter that has saved my life on many an occasion. He's pretty brilliant...and says outrageous things that are beautiful and I wish were entirely "Make a list of things you need and leave it empty...except for number 1. write love." I'm listening to a song that got me through a few really painful situations: "Ache for You". I'm grateful for these kinds of perceptive souls who know just what to say or sing or write when the words escape me.

"This is the last day of existence.
And all i want is you.

"Our love's confusing, but it never gets dull"

"Love me like the world is ending"

Monday, April 13, 2009

Love in Two Languages

I'm currently waiting for my advanced spanish grammar class that starts later in afternoon. This break usually turns into my time-wasting time. So...I'm wasting time and listening to Muse, as I've found a renewed love for them of late. "Time is Running Out" is chiming in currently with a supremely sick bass-line. LOVE!

Anyhoo...I've recently taken on a very big libretto-writing project. It's technically supposed to be quite secretive, but when there are very few people to keep me accountable for my progress, progress wanes into nothing-ness. So...I wont give the details.'s big...and it's going to be in two different languages-neither of which are my native tongue. Funny enough, though, that isn't what's making me nervous. I'm a little uneasy about the way my poetic inspiration generally comes and goes. It generally goes...and only comes back when I'm in a severe amount of emotional pain.

I mean...other than listening to "The Last Five Years" excessively, writing is one of the dead give-aways that I need a hug, a good cry and a very large cookie. But I'm not sad...not really. I'll admit, everything is pretty unbearably hard right now, but I'm fine... So how the heck am I going to conjure up enough pain to write the stinking pieces?! Well, I don't know. I've started some, but thus far I've only been able to write for a character that happens to be the antithesis of me.

Maybe that's the point.

The good news, though: what the antithesis of me has to say thus far is GOLD!

I think to myself...' might actually be good at this!'
and I think back at myself..'don't sound so surprised.'

Saturday, April 4, 2009


It's come to my attention that the blog has been left dormant for far too long. I'm attempting to remedy that situation.