I don't really think anyone reads these...but that's okay. I write them anyway. So...right now I'm having an interesting day..week..month...semester...year. life. This cocktail of emotion is making me crazy...or maybe the fact that I'm crazy is the only problem.
A phrase of music can hit me hard enough to make me cry, but I don't think I'm sad. not really. I'm lonely. I'm fully aware that my life as I know it hangs in the balance. Things I thought were "my calling" and the only thing I was good at...I'm not feeling so good at. I'm losing my drive very early in the game. I'm self-defeating. I know it. And can't always fix it. I'm not driving the bus.
...Let me qualify that statement...
By not driving the bus, I mean that I feel like a simple passenger in my life. I can see the bus (and me on it) daring the precipice of a cliff...yet I am powerless against its (and my) fate.
Now don't go thinking I'm terribly melodramatic....because I'm definitely not a fan of that. Knowing is half the battle,though, right? ...and I know what my mind is up to...even if I can't necessarily stop it without an assist. Lame indeed!
anyway...
I may feel like crying...but I'm not sad. Just like Everclear says: "You are neurotic and depressed, that doesn't mean that you're sad."
:P
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