Friday, November 27, 2009

...Of Late...

Life has been crazy lately.

The Roadshow is DONE. Phewff. I wont try to describe the relief. The kids did great! We were completely robbed of the awards we deserved, though. Alas! It was way rough...I was soo soo sick the week and a half preceding it (and during...and for awhile after) so I felt useless for a lot of it. I tried my best. I got yelled at a couple times. Not fun. I'm just glad it's done. I couldn't have done it without my cousin John. He wrote all our music. ORIGINAL music, mind you...which is something no one else in the stake had...and that was not recognized at all. John's a genius, though. The music was and is awesome.

I don't think I could survive something like that again, though.

Life goes on....

I've got a huge group project presentation on Tuesday, I've got tons of absences to take care of from being sick, Lots of stuff to do for Primary (for those who don't know,I'm in the primary presidency in the, and I've got about two weeks to memorize 12 pieces for my double jury coming up....but I've got to get well to do that.

In other news, I've been re-connecting with some old friends, which is nice. A little unexpected, but it's good. I just had some moping milkshakes and cookies with a friend. Yes, moping milkshakes and cookies. It was a little delayed, but we needed it from previous individual unpleasant encounters. Mine being, quite obviously, the engagement being called off.

It's been a really interesting experience-the aftermath.
There are some friends who said we'd talk or that we'd go do something to make me feel better or whatever....and there are friends who did do something. Whether they helped me polish off ice-cream...or pizookie...or cheesecake...or became my new IHOP buddy, or just called and listened. It's just really telling of who your real friends are....So I'm trying to value those friends more highly than I used to. It's good to know they're still there.

Also, I'm prioritizing my life again, so if I seem different it's for a reason.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Old News

It hasn't gotten much better. Forward motion is a little easier, but not much. Right when I think I'm feeling better something figurative and forceful smacks me in the face. I don't want to be sad anymore.....but it gets to me.
I know it's old news now to everyone but me. That bothers me sometimes-Just the insignificance of all of it to everyone. It meant so much to me....but no one else...not even Sam.

"Do I feel sadness?
Do I feel shame?
I'd cover my face now, but all of me has turned to stone
Except one thing
I can't control
Watch it slowly roll down my face
Across my lips-
The lips you loved
Well, stupid me for thinking
I was the only one you ever needed."

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Where I am...

I feel like doing something rash. The world just isn't going fast enough for me right now. I'd like to skip over this scene and get to where I feel like my life will begin. My life is right here, right now...but I'm not. I don't know where I am, but I'm definitely not here.